challenge day 23

Tumblr 30 Day Weight Loss Challenge, day 23: Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

OOOOH what a fun question! I'm going to have go a little sociologist on it. 

I've been studying media influence for several years now, including mass media theory, mass culture theory, and theories of mass media influence. A common theme I've noticed throughout a lot of my reading is that on its own, the media do not have power. It is the fact that individuals accept the hegemonic values broadcasted via news, print, and web that perpetuates and legitimizes those values. The mass belief that skinny=beautiful and skinny=health did not evolve overnight because Twiggy got herself on Vogue. The idolization of a thin female body developed as more and more individuals bought into it and spread their influence to their friends and families. These people are called "opinion leaders". For example, I have a friend who knows WAY more about fashion trends than I do. If she tells me that I look fashionable, I'll believe her, because I know she is more of an expert source than I am.

The same is true for media. We are susceptible to media influences because they come to us from "experts", people with the authority that comes with titles and education. 

So in short: no, the media do not play a direct role in my wanting to lose weight. Society's internalization of media-broadcasted values, and the subsequent reactions of other people to my weight, has played a direct role in my wanting to lose weight.

And now that I have revealed myself to be an EPIC EPIC NERD, I will leave this here:

Because since you now know I'm a total theory queen, I can proudly say that RYAN GOSLING AND FEMINISM IS POSSIBLY THE BEST COMBINATION EVER. Were I unwed I would do terrible terrible things to that man's body. And by terrible terrible, I mean wonderful wonderful.


challenge day 22

Tumblr 30 day weight loss challenge, day 22: What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?

I think my lowest weight ever was in my freshman year of high school, when I was in the mid 120s. I was training for my black belt at the time, so I had to be in really good shape. Then I got into a really bad, abusive relationship that lasted about six months. After that, I wanted to do anything I could to make myself as unattractive as possible. There are very few pictures from that time, but I cut my hair and gained about thirty pounds. 

It sucked a whole lot. :(

challenge day 21

Tumblr 30 day weight loss challenge, day 21: What are your clothing sizes?

Pants/Jeans: size 6-8
Shirts/Dresses: size S-M (usually a small, but boob-related things make it difficult sometimes, so there's the occasional medium)y
Bra: 34DDD (yeah, that could totally change ANY TIME NOW and I would be totally cool with it. bras are freaking EXPENSIVE at that size.)

Speaking of clothing, I find myself very short on warm winter things. I know I said I wasn't going to buy myself any new clothes until I reached my 120-lb goal, but I think necessity might dictate that I do it sooner. Maybe I will head to the thrift store this week and just pick up a few sweaters? If they end up too big by the time I'm at my UGW, I can always give them back! That's the best thing about those stores! :)

Monday Weigh-in #1

Today is my first day of doing Monday weigh-ins, and we are already off to a great start! I weighed in this morning at 146.2 pounds, which is down from 147.5 on Friday. That means I lost 1.3 pounds over the weekend, which is really surprising, considering:

- On Saturday, I went on a baking spree
- On Sunday, I went to a free pizza and beer-tasting event and then went on another baking spree (it's bake sale season).

Still, throughout the whole weekend, I was really conscious of the fact that I'd be weighing in today, and I think that kept me from doing my usual "IT'S THE WEEKEND BABY I'LL EAT WHATEVER I WANT" thing, which is bad. 

So now that I'm back in the 146-range, I think that my goal for Friday's weigh-in will be 145. That's a loss of .8 pounds in four days (since I weigh in on Friday morning). Come on, Self! We can do it!

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

(I got a new weight ticker. Cuter than the old one, right?!)


challenge day 17

Tumblr 30 day weight loss challenge, day 17: Do you have an eating disorder?


Well, not really.

I have never been diagnosed anorexic or bulimic, and I've never been obese or had a binge eating disorder. What I do have, however, is a very disordered way of looking at food and eating, and a very strong emotional reaction if I feel like I've eaten too much (even if I haven't). When I was in therapy a few years ago, my counselor mentioned EDNOS, or "eating disorder not otherwise specified". Basically it's a DSM-IV way of saying "yeah, you're fucked up, but you don't fit into any of the categories!"

The thing with EDNOS is that it's not really a diagnosis or a condition, really. What it is is an awareness of a problem. Sometimes you just need to step back and look at your habits and say to yourself, "is what I'm doing healthy? am I treating my self and my body in a healthy way? am I having healthy reactions to what I'm eating and doing?" If the answer is no, then it's time to make a change. Nothing will ever get better if you refuse to acknowledge a problem.



nutritionist meeting

So as I mentioned on Tuesday, I made an appointment to meet with the nutritionist at my school's health center. I headed over there today, and despite me psyching myself out about it, it went really well!

First, we went over my weight goals. Right now I'm about 146 pounds. My ultimate goal weight is 120-125 pounds. We decided together that a good, reachable goal is to get down to 135 pounds by the time Fiance comes home from his Big Wilderness Adventure on December 14th. That gives me about 9 weeks to lose 11 pounds, which is very doable!

Next, we talked about my eating, cooking, and exercising habits. Considering I eat a pretty good range of foods and exercise about three times a week, we decided that at a "moderately active" activity level, my daily caloric intake should be about 1600 calories/day (to lose an average of 1.5 pounds each week). However, because caloric intake is daily and caloric expenditure is weekly (a lot of your consumed calories go to just basal metabolic things like breathing and circulation and important crap like that), it's really more of an average.

We also talked about the fact that the number of calories eaten is not as important as the distribution of those calories. So we broke out the food pyramid and some worksheets, and came to the conclusion that, with an approximate daily intake of 1600 calories, I should be eating:

Dairy - 3 cups/day
Protein - 5.5 oz/day
Vegetables - 2.5 cups/day
Fruit - 2 cups/day
Grains - 5 oz/day

I also have an allowance of 5 tsp/day of oils, and an extra 130 calories of whateverthehell I want. :)

All in all, this looks really doable and fairly similar to what I was doing--though I now realize that I was really NOT eating enough, and certainly not getting enough of a distribution of food groups. I mean, I wasn't eating this, but still. There was room for improvement!

Next we are going to talk about improving my appetite so I actually remember to eat. Oy!

challenge day 16

Tumblr 30 day weight loss challenge, day 16: When did you first decide to lose weight?

I think I first made the conscious decision to lose weight in high school, when I was really overweight. I played a crapton of DDR and lost about 20 pounds, then gained it back before I started college. My lowest weight in college has been about 142 pounds, which was last year. 

This time around, I decided things needed to change when I weighed myself at a doctor's appointment and found that I weighed 157 pounds, my highest since I started college almost four years ago. Not okay! It's very overweight for my height, and I finally had a number to put to my unhappy feelings about my body. And I did not like that number!

As of Friday I weighed 146 pounds--a loss of 11 pounds since I started losing in August. I still have a long way to go, but I'm doing my best!

challenge (multiple days)


Ahem. Anyway.

I missed a few days of the Tumblr 30 Day Weight Loss Challenge, so I'm just going to do a bunch all at once to catch myself up. Because I'm good at stuff.

Day 13: Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
Healthy! Or at least I'm trying to. With very little appetite, it's often hard to make sure I'm getting an appropriate amount of calories to match my amount of exercise, but considering I've pretty much stopped losing weight, at least I know I'm not losing unhealthy amounts of weight too quickly. 
On Wednesday, I'm meeting with a nutritionist to set up a weight loss plan that will be both effective and healthy. So that will be good and exciting!

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challenge day 12

Tumblr 30 day challenge, day 12: What do you normally eat?

I do my best to make sure I eat three full meals a day, with some snacks in between. Breakfast is usually oatmeal with some fruit. Lunch is greek yogurt, some veggies, and usually a grain/protein of some kind. Dinner varies by the day, but I try really hard to make sure I take in at least 1200 net calories each day. 

It sucks though. My appetite is pretty much nonexistent these days, so I spend a lot of time actually forcing myself to eat. :(